Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Thursday, June 02, 2011

YOU ARE HERE ->

We had visited the Trevi Fountains in Rome then wandered around the little streets nearby, momentarily stopping off for good Italian ice-creams,(yum) and to buy some black and white post-cards that were on display, for sprog's Audrey Hepburn collection. These pictures of course, were La Hepburn pillion on a Vespa, or, perhaps a Lambretta, or looking elegant in some other setting. 

Time, we thought, to go somewhere else. We walked aimlessly, arriving at some classic styled white steps that obviously arrived at a higher level than we were. We climbed them and at the top, found ourselves in a piazza, where, to the left of us was a decorative period mansion. 

One or two policemen were casually walking around near the steps and in the piazza. I stopped one to ask in my best Italian, "Where are we please?"....quick as a flash the reply came....."You are in Italy!"

Saturday, October 30, 2010

EXERCISES FOR THE OVER 50'S

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5 lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10 lb potato bags.

Then try 50 lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100 lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

HOLY REVELATIONS


As part of an ecumenical exchange, a rabbi is invited to an evening meal at a monastery. 

After a delightful meal one of the monks stands up and says "281" 

There are a few quiet giggles, then another stands up and says "356" Again more giggles. 

Intrigued as to what is going on, the rabbi enquires of the abbot about what the numbers mean. 


"Well" says the abbot, "we have been living together for so many years that we know all each others jokes, so to save having to repeat them, we have given each of them a number, its simply a way of saving time." 


"Why don't you have a go?" suggests the abbot. 

So the rabbi stands up and says "2829" 

All the monks suddenly collapse in fits of unrestrained laughter. Finally the abbot restrains himself with great difficulty.
The rabbi asks, "Why is my joke so funny?"
The monk replies "They haven't heard that one before!"

Friday, August 06, 2010

JUDGE FOR YOURSELVES

Injecting a little humour :

A prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked, ......

“Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.” 

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked,.....

“Mrs. Williams, do you know the defence attorney?” She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.” 

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counsellors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, you' ll be jailed for contempt!”