NOT ENOUGH SECURITY

We are exhorted in endless ways to be security conscious, are we not? ...YES WE ARE.

Don't do this, don't answer that, we won't  phone you, we shall never ask you anything personal etc. etc.

I received a phone call. The guy asked for me by my surname, introduced himself with a first name and told me he was phoning about an issue I had raised about [nameless] bank. So that we could discuss the matter he would first need to go through security with me; so saying, he launched into the first (and last) personal question .

Giving me a first name was not sufficient for me, though he evidently thought it was.

No, he couldn't tell me anything more without going through security with me. And, if I was refusing to clear security with him then he could not give me any information.

One sided security here, ringing all the alarm bells. If  the call was being recorded, I wanted it to be recorded that this call was unsatisfactory. Like a good girl, I was keeping to the security rules and keeping mine safe. Surely, for his part to confirm his status to me, information could be given about when the issue was raised at least and perhaps who may have dealt with any call relating to it. (Those were my questions).

The answer: you've probably guessed it - not without me going through the [ bank's] security, with which, given the nature of the call, I was not going to oblige. Obviously tetchy, he said, in that case he would have to write to me.

I offered to phone him. Yes, I could have a number to call him on but, (there's always a but isn't there) " I am between two floors and you might not get me."
  
I await a letter.

ON BECOMING A PERSONAL SHOPPER - AND DECIDING WHICH ONE IS BEST

As I picked up mine, the man asked the shop assistant nearby what the difference was between the two makes of Selkirk Bannock on display.  He listened to her answer, then turning to me asked why I had chosen the Bannock in held in my hand. I gave him an explanation, then trotted off to do a little more shopping.  At the desk, I was watching the assistant check the items through the till, when I felt a nudge,  and to my amazement turned to find the man holding out two Selkirk Bannocks, one in each hand;

"Would you look at these two for me and say which one you think is best?"

The shop assistant he had chatted to earlier was in earshot and she looked as surprised as I felt and probably looked.

In for a penny, in for a pound, (as the saying goes) I duly checked out both buns.  While the man watched, I inspected them top sides and bottom.  I offered him the one I preferred.  He promptly placed the Bannock on the counter and left to return the deselected one to its place.  I turned just in time to see the cashier tap the cost of his 'bun' on to my bill and put it in the bag with my goods.

"Oh no it's not  mine." I said.  The cashier queried this in a high pitched voice......

"Just delete it off the bill" said the first shop assistant, "and I'll explain later".   Turning to me, she added "You've become the personal shopper".